Semi-Apes by Sabah Carrim by Sabah Carrim

Author:Sabah Carrim [Carrim, Sabah]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

I knew that this sort of crassness existed everywhere and should be expected of people, regardless of who they were, where they were from, and what they believed in. But the extent of their intellectual bankruptcy grew intolerable. In fairness, I came across remarkable thinkers and philosophers too: I realised that the same rules that made one man peaceful, made another one uneasy. I grew confused. Who was right and who was wrong? In the end, I came up with my own theory: that the variations in the moral codes followed by people were like The Rainbow. Ultimately their observable differences were in reality, part of the same light that had been dispersed. This consoled me for a while and I began to perceive differences among Muslims as irrelevant. After a while however, I began to wonder if I was right in omitting the remainder of five-and-a-half billion human beings and their dead ancestors from my rainbow-equation. So I isolated myself again and began reading.

Gradually, my conception of God underwent an evolution. Among the variety of authors whose works I had read, I singled out my favourite. I felt enlightened: I had finally come across likeminded people, who despite being distant both in time and space, felt closer to me than any of my family members. Suddenly I knew who I was and whom I shared an identity with. It was a privilege to be bound so intimately with such refined intellects. Self-pride however, prevented me from acknowledging that I was in reality surrendering my individuality to them; that I had in truth, shunned certain gods and merely replaced them with others. Rather obliquely, my views of the world merged with theirs. Matters which were considered taboo to my upbringing, but which were openly discussed by my new allies, became acceptable to me too—in hindsight, I would say that my beliefs during that period of time were fluid and flexible, and could take the shape of whatever receptacle the philosophers presented me with; not so much because I was attracted to logic, coherence and all these ideological pursuits, but because I had already been disarmed.

During my search, ponerology and theodicy kept resurfacing. I reflected on my past. I concluded that evil was not necessarily a result of free will, but often a consequence of other uncontrollable factors. I became less harsh in judging others. Moreover, complex theories that were intentionally obscure, unduly scholastic, and required too big a leap into abstractions—in other words, the toys of mystics, and the nurturers of naivety—did not attract me either. The substance of most life-driving concepts seemed to rest in vacuity. As for the observance of strict rites and rituals, I came to believe that God was—no, had to be—beyond those hard-and-fast rules that only seemed to create unnecessary differences. Therefore I learnt to be private in my worship and devotion.

I look back on my life in Mauritius as Yaum-ul-jaahiliyah, the Dark Ages of my life, where my understanding of religion was merely superficial.

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